Two Therapists Talking: Sex Positivity

In this episode of Two Therapists Talking, Jasmine St. John and I talk about sex positivity.

If you have questions or a topic you’d like to hear us discuss, write us at TwoTherapistsTalking@gmail.com.

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Posted in Advice, Awen Therapy, Jasmine St. John, Jay Blevins, JSJ Therapy, Psychotherapy, Sex, Sex Positivity, Therapy, Two Therapists Talking | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tip of the Week – Learn While You Sleep

sleepA new study suggests that listening to foreign language words during sleep can help you better remember those words. People who studied a new language during the day and had their vocabulary words played to them while they slept had better recall of those words than others who stayed awake and studied the words. Trying to learn something new? Get some sleep and learn it!

Posted in Advice, Awen Therapy, Jay Blevins, MFT, Psychotherapy, Therapy | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thought for the week.

tumblr_mxv0zxsuxq1r564xro1_500For many people the thought of spending time alone is not a pleasant thought. But when  we spend time alone it gives us the opportunity to know ourselves instead of shaping ourselves to the desire of others. Knowing your authentic self attracts people that want to be around you because of who you are. Know yourself…enjoy yourself…then others will, too.

Posted in Advice, Authentic Self, Awen Therapy, Change, Jay Blevins, MFT, Oscar Wilde, Psychotherapy, Therapy, Time Alone | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What Others Had To Say This Week

Interesting blog posts and news stories from the past week…

I hope you find some good advice and interesting thoughts.  Have a great weekend!

Posted in Advice, Awen Therapy, Creativity, Jay Blevins, MFT, Psychotherapy, Therapy | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Two Therapists Talking: Safe Space

In this episode of Two Therapists Talking, Jasmine St. John and I talk about what it means to create a safe space in a relationship.

If you have questions or a topic you’d like to hear us discuss, write us at TwoTherapistsTalking@gmail.com.

Posted in Advice, Awen Therapy, Jasmine St. John, Jay Blevins, JSJ Therapy, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Safe Space, Therapy, Two Therapists Talking | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tip of the Week: Stand Up for Creativity

sit and standGo ahead and be supportive of creativity if you want. But what the title really means is that new research suggests standing results in higher levels of creativity compared to doing the same task while sitting. Groups were given 30 minutes to develop a college recruiting video. Some groups stood, others sat. The groups that stood reported more excitement about the project, generated more ideas, had greater participation and produced better rated videos. So, the next time you’ve got a project to complete, try doing it standing up!

Posted in Advice, Awen Therapy, Creativity, Jay Blevins, MFT, Psychotherapy, Therapy | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

What They Won’t Do For Me…

UnderstandingSo many people come to see me and are frustrated that their partner isn’t giving them something that is being asked for over and over. I’m not talking about physical objects. I’m talking about certain behaviors and actions. They don’t tell me they love me. They don’t share their feelings. They don’t empathize with me. It almost always has to do with feelings.

When they fail to get the action or response that they are looking for, they almost always make the same assumption – “my partner doesn’t love me” or “I don’t matter to them.” While that is actually true in some situations, it isn’t always. As we all know but like to often ignore, when we make assumptions we can frequently be very off the mark.

When I have partners coming to therapy over and over, trying to do things differently it is hard to believe that they don’t really care about their partner. Yes, some people may go along just to avoid the stress of ending a relationship but that tends to be a small minority. Coming to therapy with me is work. I challenge, I push, I prod. I make people uncomfortable. It isn’t something most people want to do unless they are actually invested in change. So, seeing someone come back again and again, even if change isn’t happening, makes me doubt that they “just don’t care enough.”

What the situation more commonly turns out to be is that the partner is being asked to do something that they don’t have the tools or understanding to do. Overall our society does  pretty poor job of teaching us how to experience, process and express emotions. It tends to value logic over emotions. The result is that many people never learn to truly feel their emotions and be comfortable with them. Instead they detach from their emotions, suppress them and don’t express them because that was discouraged as they grew up.

In other words, they didn’t learn the language. Expressing emotions means being aware of the emotions, being able to identify them and having the words to talk about them. In order to empathize, a person needs to be able to find and feel that emotion in themselves. If they are cut off from those emotions, that isn’t possible. They may not even have enough understanding to realize that they don’t know how to do what is being asked for. They believe their emotional education was just what it was supposed to be.

Think about it like this – what if I asked you to give me a 15 minute lecture on quantum physics speaking only in Russian? (On the off chance there is one Russian speaking, quantum physicist reading my blog, you know what I mean!) Would you be able to do it? How would it feel if I kept telling you that you weren’t doing because you are a bad person and don’t care about honoring my request? I’m guessing that would get pretty frustrating.

If you find yourself in a situation where your partner says they want to meet your needs and desires but consistently doesn’t, don’t jump to conclusions. Talk to your partner. The solution may be learning some new skills and a new language, not a lack of love or desire.

Posted in Advice, Assumptions, Awen Therapy, Emotions, Jay Blevins, MFT, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Therapy, Understanding | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments