I ran across a great blog post by Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller. He wrote about a recent article in the Wall Street Journal entitled “How often should married couples have sex? What happens when he says ‘more’ and she says ‘no?” There was some reaction to the article including these responses – Jezebel, The Week, New York Magazine. There are some good points made by all of the articles.
In my practice difference in sexual desire comes up fairly often. There are definitely some stereotypes but they don’t always hold true. For example, I have seen many relationships where the female has the higher sex drive. I have also seen numerous men that want to emotional connection before having sex. The problem with these stereotypes becomes even more obvious when considering same sex couples. They still typically have one person with higher desire and another with lower, despite being the same sex.
The bottom line, as pointed out in these articles, is that everyone is different. There is no one way these issues arise. There is also not one solution. Dealing with differences in sexual desire depends on open, honest communication. It isn’t about who is right or wrong, or who is a sex crazed animal versus an asexual lump. If you love one another it comes down to discussing the issue and finding a solution that works for everyone. Talking about sex can be hard. It can be emotionally charged. And, talking about sex can help you find the path to a great sex life.